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Long Absence Monday, 19 December 2005

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It’s been a while since I last blogged. It’s almost Christmas and that meant lots of shopping to be done. And it is, thank goodness. It also means that the year is coming to an end. Things are meant to slow down somewhat towards the end of the year, at least it is the case for most of Europe and the West. I remember UK to be quiet at this time of the year, at least at where I studied since international students make up for quite a fair bit of the city’s population. Sadly, it isn’t the case for me. Apart from x’mas shopping, I’m still struggling with my assignment during whatever free time I have. AND I haven’t even gone through my notes for the exams early next year. Feeling a little stressed that there some fair bit of work to do at work and for my studies before I go on a short vacation next week. Sometimes I wonder if it is all really necessary.

White Lights Above Me and A Surgery Saturday, 10 December 2005

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Damn… my blog layout is all screwed up and I have no time to rectify it.

Ever sat on the couch and watch ER and wondered how undergoing a surgery would have felt like? Or watched X-files and thought how strange it would felt, when you looked up from wherever you are lying on, and see bright white lights above you and people in masks and surgical caps milling around you?

I’ve just been through it all although not for a serious ailment, but rather for something that a large percent of the Singaporean population is afflicted with. Yup, myopia.

I had just gone for a Lasik operation and now I’ve got perfect eye sight again! 😀

I was rather indifferent to it in the days leading up to the ops, up till the point when I got to the clinic and was sitting there waiting for my turn. There’s when I start to feel rather anxious about the whole procedure. Thoughts of “What if…?” were running through my head. I was thinking of all the horror stories of the rare cases of patients suffering from some side effects of Lasik or disappointment when their myopia were not corrected fully. When it was my turn, i didn’t have to strip and scrub myself down of course. Instead I simply put on a white surgical gown over my clothes and laid down on the surgical table. The room was extremely cold (to inhibit bacterial growth in the surgical room), hence I was actually trembling slightly. Hah, not from the fear alright!

There lying on the table, I realised that it was very important to be briefed in details on the whole procedure so that one knows what to expect. I was actually feeling quite alright despite lying there and told not to move my head at all costs. The trepidation and anxiety actually came about from not knowing what is happening, which was what occurred at one stage of the procedure. I couldn’t help but think that my eyes were moving while being operated on (since I lost my vision momentarily during the ops and hence I could not see anything to focus my eyes on). That really scared me stiff, literally. My hands were clenched and of course the cold did not help make things better. I had to conciously tell myself to breath in and out to calm myself down. My breathing became rather exasgerated in the process I think.

Within minutes the surgery was over and I could see quite clearly already. Bright light was a pain but other than that, I was feeling fine and good. It was indeed an experience but thankfully for something that was more for convenience and vanity than a health problem.

Fidelity Thursday, 1 December 2005

Posted by dragonzlad in Life in General.
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In my exhausted state, I happen to come across a mention of Joe’s blog (via GB’s blog) in which an entry discussed the impossibilty or naivety of monogamous relationships. I read it and that got me thinking.

I had my fair share of fun and mostly while already committed in a relationship. It was difficult not to stray.

Of course, my 2 relationships never lasted. However, it wasn’t due to my infidelity but rather they couldn’t withstand the changes around us (and me, mostly) and the test of time I guess. However, each of them taught me invaluable lessons about myself and about relationships. They were like mirrors that allowed me glimpses of my inner self and thinking. Each of them changed me even while my thinking and personality changed through the years. What I thought I believed in or wanted from a relationship changed. In the last one, I realised that to be loved more what I could reciprocate would be a blessing indeed. Yet, I strayed.

Now that I am committed in a wonderful relationship again, I guess I wouldn’t want to jeopardise it. I haven’t turned into a saint yet and have my fair share of temptations. These are harmless or so I want to think but I am sure my other half would not agree. However, I believe even these will have to go, by my own accord of course. And I will do this because I realised the blessings of being loved, to have the trust emplaced on me (to shackle me? 😉 ) and to possess that faith one have in me…. surely I couldn’t betray these a 3rd time and her too.

Here We Go Again Thursday, 1 December 2005

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“Here we go again,
same old shit again..”

That’s the song that I used to sing while in the army. Those were the days of jungle bashing and long route marches. Basic military training wasn’t that tough for me as I was quite fit then but I remember the feeling of extreme exhaustion when I was in OCS (Officer Cadet School). I have been feeling the same kind of exhaustion these past few days albeit to a lesser degree. With nothing immediate to focus on, I can finally relax and enjoy the thoughts of actually lazing in bed and watch telly for a while before I drift off into sleep.

But the same shit will start again, very soon in fact. But I know I will probably cope better as I will have control of the whole process, which makes me wonder – will I still be a perfectionist when I have people submitting their work to me one day? I’ll probably freak out unless I happen to have surbordinates that are just as particular about submitting reasonably quality work. I hope so, I would just hate my life if I have to feel so exhausted every single day.

And feeling exhausted is really bad for one’s sex life. I used to think that people are crazy when I saw the statistics on frequency of having sex. It was shocking to read that people could actually forgo sex because of tiredness. I guess I finally can empathise with that. I need a life … maybe some hot sex too. Anyone? 😛